No one resists change as much as my 90 year old grandmother. Helping her move into an assisted living facility taught me more about change management than any playbook or podcast ever could.
My experience with her reminded me of an industry I spent years studying deeply: construction. One of the first things I learned working as a Product Marketer for construction tech was that the people we were trying to reach were late adopters.
But I don’t think this meant that construction companies were anti-technology. Just like my grandma wasn’t against making her life easier or having more things done for her.
My grandma is so ahead of her time that the consistent response to her age is disbelief. She is incredibly intelligent. And still has her wits about her.
Understanding
When I packed up to go to Colorado to assist in the transition, my partner summed up the reason I was going.
“She and her grandmother understand each other.”
Nothing so complex was ever articulated so simply. And he was right. Moving sucks. Going from living with your family in a beautiful place to living under someone else's roof, with people you don’t know, and dealing with aging is…a lot.
The only way we will meet people where they are and reach them is by understanding them. It’s as simple as putting yourself in their shoes. What ARE they scared of? How are they feeling? And make it very clear that you care.
The same is true for contractors evaluating new systems. What do they really care about? They aren’t just assessing features; they’re assessing risk, disruption, and identity.
By seeking to understand the people undergoing a change, everything you implement will work out better. Why? Because you aren’t shocking them. You are being mindful.
Positioning
My grandmother understood the chain of events that led to a change needing to be made. But for companies, it might not be as clear to your teams. So, be transparent about the change and the reasons why.
Then, it’s all about how you position it. Positioning is how we change the perception of something.
For the last several years my grandma stopped cooking. “I’ve paid my dues”, were her words. But I noticed she loved it when I would serve her at a family dinner. I began to understand that she liked the idea of everything being done for her.
So how did I position an assisted living facility? Less work.
At its core, my grandma didn’t really want ‘assisted living’, I mean, who does? But what she did want was relief.
It’s the same with construction contractors. They don’t want ‘software’, but rather predictability, stability, and smoother mornings.
Familiarity
When I arrived in Colorado to help with the transition, I was focused on my grandma doing as little as possible. That meant hiring movers, managing the move, and laying out her furniture in the new place.
The reason was simple: I wanted her new place to feel comfortable.
I knew that where she spent most time in her place was her TV room. My dad would often find her napping in here.
So, to make the transition into her new home easier, I wanted to recreate her favorite aspect of her home. I can’t help but think about the parallels with software development. In construction, no matter what technology has come out over the past several years, the main competitor is often a whiteboard.
When software ignores what teams already rely on, adoption stalls before it even starts.
It’s easy to create bright and shiny software because you can. But if you want people to use it, there is an argument for familiarity. What is comfortable to them? Because a change will be much harder to sustain if everything they liked was taken away.
My grandmother loved her TV room, by the way, which was an extra bedroom I repurposed. She spends most of her time there and has become her little ‘cave’ of comfort.
Communication
Now that my grandma was settled into her new apartment at the assisted living facility, it was crucial that our interactions didn’t fall off.
Why? Because I didn’t want to shock her. Too often elderly people go into assisted living facilities and feel abandoned. Not only are they navigating change, but now they have to do it with no support.
So, we created a schedule for seeing my grandma that was high in frequency at the beginning and over the course of 2 weeks, check in’s were similar to when they all lived together.
Consistency and check ins can smooth things over before they become major problems. They can ensure that they are getting the most out of the tools and using them optimally. And taking the time to check in makes people feel valued.
That’s how change is sustained: through care.
Control
At the root of resistance to change is usually a lack of control.
My grandmother wasn’t completely sold regarding assisted living. There were still doubts, of course. So, instead of saying to her that she could never leave this place, we told her that she could always leave. Her contract required a month's notice to leave but otherwise, she was in full control.
And here's what is really important about change: the perception of choice changes the emotional response to it.
Moving back in with my parents was no longer an option for my grandmother, just like companies can’t go back to what isn’t working.
My grandma wasn’t seeking unlimited freedom. She just didn’t want to be stuck. Once again the parallels between her and contractors were uncanny. No one wants to feel locked into software, subscriptions and systems.
No one wants to feel trapped.
Belief
People look towards each other in times of change. They pick up on tone, reactions, energy, and confidence.
I understood that the entire environment around my grandma needed to be supportive of this change. Everyone involved had to be aligned under a message.
We were unified under a belief and were conscious of the words we said. This created psychological safety.
The truth is, change doesn’t have to be perfect to be successful. What matters more is that everyone involved believes in it enough to stabilize.
In the end, the move was seamless. She was happier than any of us expected. Even if it doesn’t work out (like some implementations), the change has already taken place.
